Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
