im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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