I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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