come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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