the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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