i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The beer is more important than you right now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
