So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
