she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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