He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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