I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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