Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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