I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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