I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
