god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am puke
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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