just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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