I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
