I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
