I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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