Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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