I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend