Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?