So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God