Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.