Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.

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(631): My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list. http://tfl.nu/ispc

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just so you know, I have a bf.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.

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(847): Just so you know, I have a bf. (405): I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful. http://tfl.nu/esk6

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(703): View more from Virginia

We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.

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(703): We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college. http://tfl.nu/pxwn

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(612): View more from Minnesota

smell my finger.

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(612): smell my finger. http://tfl.nu/i0ta

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(510): View more from California

Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...

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(510): Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/p911

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

(339): View more from Massachusetts

No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

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(508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

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(609): you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though http://tfl.nu/8e43

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(626): View more from California

I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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(626): I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text" http://tfl.nu/ij6d

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(914): View more from New York

she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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(914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z

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(954): View more from Florida

8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.

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(954): 8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on. http://tfl.nu/8x7p

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well

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(401): do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well http://tfl.nu/8t7l

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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(814): Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck. (215): Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate. http://tfl.nu/mf4n

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.

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(570): Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me. http://tfl.nu/6mb8

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.

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(701): I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close. http://tfl.nu/zatr

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(515): View more from Iowa

I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?

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(515): I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king? http://tfl.nu/4eun

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