I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?