wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize
