am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
