bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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