Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
