Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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