i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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