your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As shirtless as possible
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
