my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
