**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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