Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
