i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
