i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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