You really coming over, don't trick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize