Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
