mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
