Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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