So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
