Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
