We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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