I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
