i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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