what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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