I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
