oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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