there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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