You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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