You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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