I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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