don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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