you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
