you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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