You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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