And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
