We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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