this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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