I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
