This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
