How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
