it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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