I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
